When Are You Gonna Learn?

I spent four years on the Moon, thinking that life would be better when I returned to Earth. When are you gonna learn? The sun has been out for three days now and I can’t reach the bulb. When are you gonna learn? Doogie Howser is a sex symbol, David Hasselhoff lives on, but I stopped watching television years ago. When are you gonna learn? Every time I call, your answering machine picks up and while I always enjoy the message I hate to leave my own.  I don’t know what to do anymore, and sometimes I think I’ve forgotten how to have a relationship. When are you gonna learn? It’s never wise to date anyone below your age (divided by two plus seven.) When are you gonna learn? Something in the wall behind my bathroom door is ticking, I keep telling myself it’s the towel, it’s good to have mystery in one’s life. When are you gonna learn? My lovers have all moved on, but I am frozen in amber. When are you gonna learn? I’m supposed to be taking St John’s everyday, but I always forget. When are you gonna learn? My best friend in this town is a picture of lethargy and is slowly sitting his way into history. When are you gonna learn? I have reached the moment where I can’t remember ever being anywhere other than here; it happens when I move to a new place and spend enough time there. When are you gonna learn? I’m tired of being told how clever, how polite, how sweet, how charming I am. When are you gonna learn? I wrap my arms around a pillow at night, trying not to remember the smell of her hair. When are you gonna learn? I can only read the first twenty pages of any given book before I get bored and I’m sure the good parts are always at the end.  Nothing seems to hold my attention for very long. When are you gonna learn? I don’t remember what my favorite movie is, I’ve seen too many. When are you gonna learn? It’s been cold for too long, I’m starting not to care anymore. When are you gonna learn? I can’t wait for Spring and Summer, the feel of fire on my skin, the sight of women in shorts. When are you gonna learn? I fail to follow my own advice, forgetting that there is no such thing as the ‘you’ in there and the ‘me’ out here. When are you gonna learn? I spend too much time in my head.  When are you gonna learn? I’ll never get those blackberry stains out of the carpet – I can rearrange the furniture all I want but they still remind me of her. When are you gonna learn? My job has gotten smaller and smaller.  Luckily there’s a new one on the way.  (You only have eight years left!) When are you gonna learn? I’m not as smart as I think I am. When are you gonna learn? I used to write until my hands went numb and dropped the pen, but I seem to have run out of words.   I come home in the evening intending to write, having found myself with an unlimited number of ideas on the train, but I can’t seem to get them down.   Whole plots evade me. When are you gonna learn? After years of deliberation, I think the most useful super power would be knowing what women think. When are you gonna learn? I have dirty dishes in my head and my brain is in the sink. When are you gonna learn?

Soon.  I promise.

Advertisements

One thought on “When Are You Gonna Learn?

  1. When I read your words I feel the minutae of your pain and entrapment, because it is my own.You are still writing about the last train that left … some time ago I used to be the conductor of that train. These days I feel more like some pathetic, feeble specter of emotional homelessness that greedily haunts the darkened corners of the station, waiting for the engine to come by again so I can gaze at the shimmering lights in the windows as it flies by.How many wrenching songs were sung, how many portraits painted, how many achingly poetic words were writ large with ink dried from still-pumping plasma? The muse is the very definition of the object of desire. Men have literally died for that which your heart still seeks. Feel lucky that you got away with just a broken heart.If I ever met you, I would shake your hand and buy you a drink. But no words would be spoken. The worst fate of all for any man, is hearing some nobody who might know something about what the magic of those private moments means, engaging you in mindless pseudo-friendly smalltalk while all you want to do is throat punch them into a gurgling bloody submission of inferiority. Women never seem to get that part of it. And when that train comes back around (because the reverie express almost certainly will) well, make sure you are long packed for another station. With regular times on the schedule.I guess I can say, keep burning the pain out on these pages. When you’re on, you write like a motherfucker with his soul on fire. Live again, love again. Its all we can do.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s